Friday will be my last day with Maple Reinders. I was the most recent to arrive, so I am the first to go. Kinda sad really, that work ethic, attendance, quality of work, speed, and pleasent attitude aren't even considerations in the decision to lay a person off. It's all about seniority.
It isn't like they're even out of work, there is still lots of work, it's just couple weeks away. I was told that when they get parts in, they'll call me back. Hopefully, I'll be up north in a camp by then, but it's a plan B at least.
I'm getting so tired of spinning my wheels. I work fucking hard, I'm fast, I produce equal or better work than my peers, I have a good attitude, I take instruction well, and other people come to me to ask how to do things. I just can't seem to get my foot in the door anywhere long enough to slip the rest of me inside.
I'm to focused on improving my life to let this hit me too hard. I have to keep pressing forward, and just hope that there is a good reason for these hard times. It's like being eleven rounds into a boxing match. Winners are forged from pain, suffering, endurance, and heart. I have the strength to keep going, I just thought that by this time in my life, i'd be there. My goals just keep getting pushed back, staying just out of my reach. It's incredably frustrating, borderline infuriating, carrot on a stick, bullshit.
Give me the fucking carrot!
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Reinvention.
It's been awhile since I blogged last, mostly due to a decrease in profound happenings. I'm living my life, my new life. It's like getting used to a new pair of shoes, at first they seem alien and they may even leave you with blisters, but gradually they just become a part of you.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not settling into life living with my parents, broke, and floundering around in uncertainty. I'm getting used to progress, motivation, passion, and self-reliance. I'm getting used to the idea of being a single father, of having a life outside of my job, and my family. I bought a gym pass, it's the first $100+ purchase I've made for myself in the last year. It feels good. I'm growing a goatee and shaving my head, just because I'm curious to see how I look without hair, and I haven't been able to have facial hair, for like 5 years, because my ex didn't like it. I've been reconnecting with old friends, and making new ones, which makes me feel valued, memerable, and attractive again.
My future still feels hazy, i'm really uncertain where life will take me next. I'm still trying to get into a camp job somewhere, and I've made some subtle progess in that regard. I know this whole, living with my parents gig is going to drive me nutty sooner or later. Not because they are hard to live with, just because I feel like a bit of a burden to them, and I want to feel the personal satisfaction of taking care of myself again, feeling mature, and in control. No matter how uncertain my future is, it sure feels exciting! A marrige is so full of plans, and while plans can produce a sence of comfort and security, they take something away from the excitement of life. Plans to me are like waiting in line for a ride on a roller coaster, so much of the excitement is spent anticipating the ride, that often the ride it self doesn't even measure up to your expectations. The excitement I feel now is like waking up to find out your house is on fire. I'm stumbling around in the smoke, grabbing a couple important items, and getting the fuck out.
As hazy as my future may seems, the days just keep getting brighter. I'm just enjoying the sunshine.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not settling into life living with my parents, broke, and floundering around in uncertainty. I'm getting used to progress, motivation, passion, and self-reliance. I'm getting used to the idea of being a single father, of having a life outside of my job, and my family. I bought a gym pass, it's the first $100+ purchase I've made for myself in the last year. It feels good. I'm growing a goatee and shaving my head, just because I'm curious to see how I look without hair, and I haven't been able to have facial hair, for like 5 years, because my ex didn't like it. I've been reconnecting with old friends, and making new ones, which makes me feel valued, memerable, and attractive again.
My future still feels hazy, i'm really uncertain where life will take me next. I'm still trying to get into a camp job somewhere, and I've made some subtle progess in that regard. I know this whole, living with my parents gig is going to drive me nutty sooner or later. Not because they are hard to live with, just because I feel like a bit of a burden to them, and I want to feel the personal satisfaction of taking care of myself again, feeling mature, and in control. No matter how uncertain my future is, it sure feels exciting! A marrige is so full of plans, and while plans can produce a sence of comfort and security, they take something away from the excitement of life. Plans to me are like waiting in line for a ride on a roller coaster, so much of the excitement is spent anticipating the ride, that often the ride it self doesn't even measure up to your expectations. The excitement I feel now is like waking up to find out your house is on fire. I'm stumbling around in the smoke, grabbing a couple important items, and getting the fuck out.
As hazy as my future may seems, the days just keep getting brighter. I'm just enjoying the sunshine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)