Reinvention.

It's been awhile since I blogged last, mostly due to a decrease in profound happenings. I'm living my life, my new life. It's like getting used to a new pair of shoes, at first they seem alien and they may even leave you with blisters, but gradually they just become a part of you.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not settling into life living with my parents, broke, and floundering around in uncertainty. I'm getting used to progress, motivation, passion, and self-reliance. I'm getting used to the idea of being a single father, of having a life outside of my job, and my family. I bought a gym pass, it's the first $100+ purchase I've made for myself in the last year. It feels good. I'm growing a goatee and shaving my head, just because I'm curious to see how I look without hair, and I haven't been able to have facial hair, for like 5 years, because my ex didn't like it. I've been reconnecting with old friends, and making new ones, which makes me feel valued, memerable, and attractive again.

My future still feels hazy, i'm really uncertain where life will take me next. I'm still trying to get into a camp job somewhere, and I've made some subtle progess in that regard. I know this whole, living with my parents gig is going to drive me nutty sooner or later. Not because they are hard to live with, just because I feel like a bit of a burden to them, and I want to feel the personal satisfaction of taking care of myself again, feeling mature, and in control. No matter how uncertain my future is, it sure feels exciting! A marrige is so full of plans, and while plans can produce a sence of comfort and security, they take something away from the excitement of life. Plans to me are like waiting in line for a ride on a roller coaster, so much of the excitement is spent anticipating the ride, that often the ride it self doesn't even measure up to your expectations. The excitement I feel now is like waking up to find out your house is on fire. I'm stumbling around in the smoke, grabbing a couple important items, and getting the fuck out.

As hazy as my future may seems, the days just keep getting brighter. I'm just enjoying the sunshine.