Cosmic balance.

Last night my vehicle was the victom of a hit-and-run, while parked in the Safeway parking lot downtown. which means i'm out at least a $500 deductable. I'm still layed-off, so that's going to be a fun $500 to try and find. I'm getting tired of my shitty luck. I'm really hoping that all this crap that i've had thrown at me in the last little while is being stockpiled somewhere and when the cosmic balancing faerie comes by and breaks the levy, i'll finally get my good luck all at once.

A lot of people I know and love have had some pretty bad strokes of luck lately, so it makes it hard for me to pity myself. From an objective standpoint, all I can really say is, "yeah, that figures..." But I'm sure that everyone feels a sence of entitlement when it comes to their lives, we all know how hard we work to make our lives the best we can, it would just be nice to see it pay off now and then.

I'm a good person, damn it! I put out a lot of effort, and i'm always trying to make a positive influence on the world around me and the people in my life. Is it OK that I feel just a little bit indignant that all this effort, proactive living, and possitive thinking, is being answered by more shitty luck every couple weeks?

It's gone way beyond self-pity now. I genuinely feel pissed off that I can't seem to catch a break. I feel like shaking my fist at the sky and screaming, "REALLY?!" Do I need to proove that I'm really at rock bottom? Do I need to proove that I can't handle anymore of this shit? I'm here busting my ass everyday to make the best of my bad situation. I'm here doing what I can to find the silver lining. I'm standing here taking one slap in the face after another, and shrugging them off with smiles and tenacity. Do I need to collapse in a heap of broken, whimpering flesh on the ground, before life relents and helps me back to my feet?

I don't want sympathies. I don't need people to give me their energy. The people I love have their own battles, and I'm not going to ask for their hands. I can do this myself. I can spit out the blood and take another. I'm just saying... I wish I didn't have too. I'm just venting this out into the universe as a big "fuck you."