The last 9 months have come down to this. The Endako mine project is coming to an end. The end of February marks the end of UA170 involvement in the project, im sure there will be testing and changes made externally over the next little while, but our job is done. It's been a great project, like most projects there were many times when we questioned the aptitude of our leadership, but we reached the finish line nevertheless. For me, its been a life changer, an experience I will never forget. June 7th, 2011-Feb 29th, 2012... Im tired, I haven't had a single day where i've had more than 7 hours sleep, since the beginning of June. Its catching up to me. I'm just so thankful for the opportunity I had here. Its been a door openner and a door closer, and i've never been ungreatful for any of it.
I have a short interval coming up, where I'll be spending some time at home, layed-off, and trying to enjoy getting reaquainted with my life. I'm torn as to the next steps I should take as far as my living situation is concerned. My parents have been very gracious hosts for the last 9 months, and a huge help with the girls. I just feel like i've overstayed my welcome here. Not only do I feel pathetic for being almost 30 and living with my parents, but my parents already were parents, and me bringing the girls here for a week every month, and them having the girls almost every weekend from my Ex, has worn them out. My mom could probabley be a full time grandma, until she litterally collapsed from exhaustion, but my dad is starting to want his life back, which is totally understandable. Young kids are a very pleasant experience, but not one that anyone should have to endure a second time at almost 60 years old. While I'm here I take full reigns over them, but its still my parents house they're colouring on, peeing on, screaming in, and disassembling. I've thought about getting my own place, which I could probs afford now, but it would be tight, and it would only lengthen the amount of time it'll take me to save up a downpayment for my own place. I've thought about getting a roomate, but how do you tell a roomate, "I'm hardly ever going to be here, but when I am, my kids are going to fuck your shit right up." I'm only going to be in town for 3-4 months tops, then I'm planning to ship out to Saskachewan to start saving that downpayment. Its just that right now I'm stuck in limbo, living out of my car and sleeping in spare bedrooms and couches. It sucks. It's not the biggest obsticale i've ever encountered, there are many options for overcoming it, they just all suck! "hmmm, would I rather eat shit, vomit, or bloody puss?"
I kinda wish I could just basement troll at the house in Kelowna, but Cassandra requires her privacy and "kid-free" time far to much for that, and she's planning on moving into a smaller pad, which is a good plan, 'cause they don't need all the space, and I'm paying for it. I'm also still just fucked up enough about our situation still that, witnessing her social behaviour (and her witnessing mine), day in and day out could very well send my off my wheels. We have a pretty good thing going on, and I've come a long way inside this thick skull of mine, I'd hate to ruin a lot of hard work by bringing emotions back into the mix.
Problems never really seem to vacate our lives, you just find new and creative ways to deal with them. No matter what I decide to do in the next few months, there's gunna be good and bad that comes with it. It still makes me laugh in comparrison to what i've recently come through, and I'm sure that no matter what i decide, isn't likely to change my life to much looking longterm. Its on my mind, and does require resolution, im just waiting to full assess all the options.
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