Inspired.

Yesterday, I watched an hour long video on youtube called, "how to be happy." (Thanks to Victor) The video is just a buddhist monk giving a speech, or sermon, not really sure what they call it in Buddhism, about what it takes to find happiness. I'd recommend watching it, to anyone really, its very uplifting and inspirational.

To summorize it, one of the key points was, just to slow down and let your sences take in the beauty around you. We move to fast through our days, taking a little second to just pause and appreciate some of the beautiful things around you can really lighten your heart. Another key point was focusing on all the parts that are good about your life. People always tell you this, but it can be really hard to do , especially when the bad things are painful. I've never had it put so elequantly though. He said "If you have breast cancer, and your world is seeming pretty dark, try and think about all the other parts of your body that don't have cancer." Another key point, is not to become addicted to your misery, if you don't try to fix things, and you don't let people in, and you don't take any help, you end up becoming your misery, you have to be able to let it go. And the last key point, is remember to believe that you deserve happiness, you deserve praise, its not about becoming big headed, its about becoming big hearted.

There was just so many good analogies, and stories, and tidbits of information. It was truely inpiring to me. I really needed to see it. Now, I'm no buddhist monk, I can't imagine that its going to be as simple for me to see all this beauty around me as it is for someone who spends their whole lives doing basically nothing BUT that. I did however take it to heart. I think something I really need to keep front and center in my mind is that even though being layed off is stressful, I haven't had time off work in 8 months, (the last time I was layed off) staying home with the kids day in and day out is tough, but I haven't been able to do this like...ever. I get to see them so much more than I ever have before. normally I get a couple hours with them after work and then they go to bed. I've spent all day, everyday with them for the last 4 weeks, I feel like I know my girls much better then I did before all this. I know their habits, their routines, I know when, and how much, and why, and what to do, and all the things I never knew before. My ex used to get so frustrated with me, because I didn't know their routines, I would forget parts of their bedtime routines, or their morning routines. I was always asking her questions, many of which I had asked before and simply forgotten. I wouldn't know how to soothe them when they were upset, or what the subtletys in Lylas babbling were conveying. I know all this now, and I feel pretty good about it. I have time to read, and blog, I have energy to want to go for a walk everyday. I work out everyday, because I'm not dog tired after a long day at work. I've quit smoking because i'm not around a group of plumbers who smoke like chimneys. There have been good things to come out of being layed off that I was missing before, because I wasn't looking for them. I'm not saying that i'm content to just sit here and let my money run out, i'm just saying that its not ALL bad.

I have an opportunity here, a chance for a fresh start. I can't leave everything about my old life behind, I have kids afterall, but that is the best part! I don't have to leave the good parts behind. I can just leave the bad parts behind. To borrow an analogy from the buddhist sermon, My life is in a winter state right now, it seems pretty dead and lifeless, but underneith the soil and just benieth the tree bark is a whole world of life, and energy, and new beginnings, just waiting for spring to arrive. It is just the cyclical nature of life, winter comes and goes. I just have to wait out the snow.