Powerlessness.

The most frustrating thing about life, is having to endure the things you are powerless to change. In conjunction with that, wondering if, or feeling like, maybe there is something you could do, or could have done, to make things better.

Changing the opinions of others, for example. Most of the time I am perfectly content to live and let live. I couldn't care less what other peoples opinions are. There are times however, that other peoples opinions really do matter. If a person has any sway, power or effect on your life, their opinion can generally make your life better, or worse, depending on the opinion they hold. Your boss for example, or your wife/girlfriend, your parents, basically anyone in a position of authority over you, or someone you share authority with. If they don't like you, or think you are lazy or incompetant, basically if they don't beleive that you are as valuable to them as you think you are, it can be incredably frustrating, and more often then not, you are powerless to change that opinion. You can either learn to live with it, or you can remove yourself from the person in question. The trouble with learning to live with it is, over time the insults and criticisms worm their way into your brain, and can plant seeds of self-doubt, you can find yourself, slowly adopting their opinion of yourself, in fact, you might even change the way you would normally do things, in order to fill the role they beleive that you are. For example, if a boss doesn't value the quality and efficiency of your work, the most common response is to put less effort in. You may have tried putting MORE effort in in the beginning, but when your best still fell short of their standards, you just throw up your hands, and fall back into place, doing just enough to keep your job.

Powerlessness to change situations in your life is another thing that can be incredably frustrating. In my case, being layed off work, and not being able to find new work. These things are completely based on things that are out of my control. When work slows down or there is a shortage, businesses lay their people off. When work is short, it is also difficult to find more work, especially when the market is flooded with other people looking for work aswell. You can put out resumes, and make call backs, and search online, and broaden your horizens, and lower your standards, but in the long run, if none of these are effective, you're just shit out of luck. I spend all day, wondering if I'm doing everything I can. I have littered western canada with my resumes, I have looked online and applied to every company that says they are hiring, and many who aren't. In the end i just have to assume there is nothing more I can do, so I just sit here next to the phone twiddling my thumbs, and writing blogs.

Could I have prepared better for this? Maybe, but its not as though I made a conscious effort, not to save for tough times, I just haven't had a long enough "good spell" to save money and pay down debt.

Bottom line, today I feel powerless. Motivated, and still hopeful, but powerless.