Today is my last day living here. It's hard for me to think about, and even harder for me to put words too. This is just not the way I thought my life was going to go. I've fought pretty hard to go anyway but this way, but it appears my path is set before me. In a way that brings me confidence, because if life is so intent on leading me this way, it must have some greater purpose, and i'm at least a little curious to find out what that "purpose" is. It also concerns me a bit.
It's really amazing how little control we really have over our lives. The realization of your own powerlessness to change or control some things in life can make you feel helpless. I'm not sure why I feel my life would be so much better under MY direction. God knows, I have made a great deal of bad decisions in my day. I just feel like I'm being swept along in a current, unsure of where the river leads and unable to reach the shore. It would just be comforting to know a little bit more about the river is all.
I CAN control my mindset though, that's something that is completely within my control. I can choose to believe the river will slowdown eventually and I'll have the option to swim out. I can choose to believe that my ability to stay afloat and keep my head above water, will be enough to ride out the rapids. I can choose to believe that the shore I arrive on will be better than the one I left.
I'm staying positive, and trying to keep my mind on my present situation, and keeping the dreams about what is ahead of me as bright as I can imagine. It is a wild ride!
No comments:
Post a Comment